Saturday, January 7, 2012
Shopping!
Blake and I decided to go on a little shopping trip. Kennedy wasn't feeling well this morning but nana offered to watch her so we could still go out. She is a great nana! We are having fun, just the two of us. Although we do miss little bit and wish she felt better so she could have come.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Potty Training: Day 2
So yesterday's potty training didn't go so well. We had all accidents and no successful trips to the potty. After seriously considering giving up, we are in for round two today. She woke up asking to put her panties on. So I guess that's a good thing...
Hopefully we will have at least one successful trip today!
Hopefully we will have at least one successful trip today!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Happy New Year!
New Years comes every year and at this time I always reflect more on the past years than I do the future ones. I remember one new years specifically when I wrote a long letter to a friend that I was having a difficult time with to try to rekindle our friendship. We are now still best friends and I will always remember the walk in the park we had new years day in 2005. I have a letter that I could write this year too, it's amazing how time and circumstances and in some instances just plain stubbornness can make two great friends become strangers.
Anyway, on a more positive less nostalgic note, the Wrinns brought in the new year separately this year. Kennedy was in bed at her normal time I was at work until 2:30am (oh the joys of the hospitality industry) and Blake was writing a song as the new year came (so dedicated :) ).
Blake and I got to celebrate last night with our friends Hannah and Ricky. Hannah fixed a great meal and their house and we got to play quelf! It was great to have a grown up double date with our newly wed friends :).
This year is, like all the others, filled with goals and plans for me. First on the list? Potty training...
We switched Kennedy to big girl panties today. Accidents and no successes in the potty yet but it's just day one. I am just having to stay positive and keep encouraging her (which I will admit is a little hard when I am faced with the whiny "I can't" and the screaming and running away from the potty when I ask her to try). Maybe God created potty training to build patience in parents :).
Second in the list is finding a job and moving to Nashville for Blake to continue his music career. He is doing very well and already traveling there once a week. So please pray for us as we look for jobs and places to live.
I got an iPhone for Christmas and I love it! With this new blogger app hopefully I will update more often :) Heck, let's just go ahead and put that on the list of things to do too!
Anyway, on a more positive less nostalgic note, the Wrinns brought in the new year separately this year. Kennedy was in bed at her normal time I was at work until 2:30am (oh the joys of the hospitality industry) and Blake was writing a song as the new year came (so dedicated :) ).
Blake and I got to celebrate last night with our friends Hannah and Ricky. Hannah fixed a great meal and their house and we got to play quelf! It was great to have a grown up double date with our newly wed friends :).
This year is, like all the others, filled with goals and plans for me. First on the list? Potty training...
We switched Kennedy to big girl panties today. Accidents and no successes in the potty yet but it's just day one. I am just having to stay positive and keep encouraging her (which I will admit is a little hard when I am faced with the whiny "I can't" and the screaming and running away from the potty when I ask her to try). Maybe God created potty training to build patience in parents :).
Second in the list is finding a job and moving to Nashville for Blake to continue his music career. He is doing very well and already traveling there once a week. So please pray for us as we look for jobs and places to live.
I got an iPhone for Christmas and I love it! With this new blogger app hopefully I will update more often :) Heck, let's just go ahead and put that on the list of things to do too!
Friday, September 16, 2011
New hobbies
So after having some conversations with Blake and others it has been established that I need a hobby and need to learn how to have a little fun and do something for myself that I enjoy. So in saying this I have started to try new things that interest me. Thanks to my brother's girlfriend I have been looking on Pintrest and I have found some real inspiring things to pursue. I have always loved arts and crafts so this gives me lots of new ideas to try. But what I have been doing lately is a little photography. So far I LOVE IT! Kennedy and I have had lots of fun playing together while I shoot some photos. Then I enjoy editing with Photoshop and being able to get creative and artistic with the photos. Here are some examples of what I have done so far. I have more raw images to edit that I am excited about and I will upload them as they are done. Here's what I have so far:
I can't wait to finish some more! Also, Kennedy has picked up a new interest... the piano. She loves playing on her little play piano but loves playing the big piano at Gramma and Pa's house and this is a video her babysitter took of her playing at her house when she kept her.
I can't wait to see if she stays interested in the piano because she does take her time to pick out notes and think about what she is doing. I love watching her have fun. Well, it is lunch time now and I need to go. I think we are going to have some Disney Princess Chicken Noodle Soup! Yum Yum!!
I can't wait to finish some more! Also, Kennedy has picked up a new interest... the piano. She loves playing on her little play piano but loves playing the big piano at Gramma and Pa's house and this is a video her babysitter took of her playing at her house when she kept her.
I can't wait to see if she stays interested in the piano because she does take her time to pick out notes and think about what she is doing. I love watching her have fun. Well, it is lunch time now and I need to go. I think we are going to have some Disney Princess Chicken Noodle Soup! Yum Yum!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
In honor of Mothers Day...
I love Mother's Day and not just because we get to make the wonderful women in our lives feel special but because I LOVE being a mother! I am so glad for a day just to reflect on how much being a mother means and what a wonderful job God has given all mothers to do.
I had to work this mother's day, as I have for the past four years. I am always sad to have to work on holidays but today it was a reminder of why I work, for my family. I got off a little early and Blake and I played with Kennedy outside in her kiddie pool. She had a blast!
I am so blessed to also have a mother who means the world to me. She is so much more than a mother; she is a true friend. She is the most kind-hearted, soft-spoken, loving, and caring woman I know. I love her so much and I am so appreciative of all she has done for me since... well, before I was born. I am so blessed that God gave me a wonderful motherly example to follow! I can only hope to be as wonderful as she is.
In honor of mother's day, just thought of some things that I have learned since becoming a mother and reflecting on the days before I was a mother. My life has changed so much. People at work comment on me having "mommy patience" with kids when they come in to eat. And I do believe my perspective on life has changed. In thinking of all this I was reminded of this note I wrote on Facebook 3 days before my little girl was born.
25 Things I've Learned The Past Nine Months
1. God is indescribable. I am completely blown away by His amazing love, forgiveness, and grace. I am so undeserving of every blessing He has given me and I could not imagine life without Him.
2. Family is the most important thing in my life. No matter what I go through and no matter where I've been I know my family will stick by my side and stand up for me.
3. Who my true friends are. True friends are the ones that stand up for you when you've messed up. That understand and will do anything to help you. Will call you just to see how you are doing. Don't run away when things get uncomfortable and will not care to be seen with a waddling pregnant woman in public :)
4. The miracle of life. Pregnancy is truly a miracle. It is completely unbelievable how a life can form from two microscopic cells. Just watching the ultrasounds and hearing a heart beat at just 10 weeks from something that honestly looks like a peanut. And watching that peanut turn into something that looks, feels, sleeps, and kicks like a baby is indescribable.
5. The only thing that is eternal is a soul. Everything in this life is meaningless. When it's all over it doesn't matter what career you had, how much money you made, or what your GPA was. The only thing that matters in the end is where you are going to spend the rest of eternity and the impact that you left on this earth.
6. Patience. Although I haven't mastered this goal by any means, I feel that it is something I am faced with daily. From waiting on doctors, waiting on circumstances to be solved, and truly seeing that with a little patience in every situation, God will come through.
7. Love. I know what it means to love someone so much that you would sacrifice everything you thought was important just to be able to be with them. I know that human love will never be perfect but I know that no matter what Kennedy does or says I will always love her. I have also seen such great examples of love in my own life lately. From the unconditional love from my parents and close friends to the overwhelming and magnificent love of a wonderful Savior.
8. Not to care what people think. Everyone has his or her own opinion. You can't change that. All you can do is be completely confident that you are doing the right thing and ignore the looks, comments, or judgment that is trying to keep you down.
9. God answers prayer. From the very beginning when I prayed for God to slam the door in my face if I wasn't meant to go to New York (right before I found out I was pregnant) to insurance problems, pediatricians, and other situations that arose. God doesn't always give the answer you expect but he will always lead you in the right direction.
10. Stable doesn't necessarily mean normal. Though Kennedy may not be born into what some may consider a "normal" family she has more love and people that are so excited to see her than some babies who are born into a "normal" family. I have seen that there are many different types of families and the definition of a family is simply people who love each other and look out for each other.
11. Some people surprise you. Some people I thought would be so judgmental or unsupportive of my decision to keep the baby have had completely opposite reactions. The same is true however for some people that I thought would be supportive that haven't been.
12. Fetal hiccups are so much fun! I never thought that I could get so much joy, excitement, and entertainment from feeling Kennedy move. Out of all the movement and the kicks I must say that the hiccups are my favorite. Annoying at times, yes, but I just have to remind myself how amazing it is that there is a little person inside of me that gets hiccups just like I do :)
13. The generosity of people is amazing. I had four baby showers. Four! It completely blows me away at the gifts I received and the eagerness of so many friends to help out. I am so thankful and grateful to every single person. I ended up not having to spend much money at all on things I needed to get ready for her to be here and for that I am soooo thankful and couldn't put into words what it means to me.
14. Pregnancy truly bonds a mother and daughter. My mom and I have gotten extremely close throughout this whole experience. She is my role-model and my constant friend. I am so blessed to have her as a great example to look up to.
15. Distance is no match for true friendship. True friends will stay close no matter how many miles are put between them. Period.
16. No matter how big you think the baby is getting it will ALWAYS get bigger. I remember thinking how big I was and how heavy she was at just 5 months. HA!
17, Great stories are meant to be shared. I love telling my story to people. It is such a personal testimony to how God has truly reviled Himself to me. I love sitting with people one on one and simply sharing this experience.
18. What To Expect When You're Expecting is the holy book of pregnancy. If you are pregnant and do not have this book, get it. Now.
19. Mexican food does not start labor late in pregnancy. In fact mexican food late in pregnancy just causes nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and possible diarrhea but you can't take pepto bismol when your pregnant so just watch out :)
20. Full moons do not always lead to labor. My mother was convinced that Kennedy would come on the full moon. This was because she went into labor on a full moon with both me and my brother. There is some scientific proof to why full moons make women go into labor. It didn't work for me.
21. No matter how much you think you are ready for labor you will never be. As much as I try to convince myself that I am so ready to have this baby I am so nervous about what it is going to be like and how everything is about to change. I really think I am ready to tackle all of this but there is still that anxiousness.
22. When you are pregnant you will see numbers on a scale you never thought possible. Enough said.
23. The first trimester of pregnancy is def the worst. The second is the best and by the third you are miserable but at least you aren't as sick as you were in those first few months.
24. Nine months are needed in pregnancy to fully prepare you for motherhood. I look back at who I was nine months ago and how much I have matured and changed in order to be a good mother. It is amazing how much motherly instinct just comes over the months.
25. My life has changed forever. It will continue to change but I believe it has been the best change I could ever ask for and I couldn't imagine having it any other way.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYBODY!
I had to work this mother's day, as I have for the past four years. I am always sad to have to work on holidays but today it was a reminder of why I work, for my family. I got off a little early and Blake and I played with Kennedy outside in her kiddie pool. She had a blast!
I am so blessed to also have a mother who means the world to me. She is so much more than a mother; she is a true friend. She is the most kind-hearted, soft-spoken, loving, and caring woman I know. I love her so much and I am so appreciative of all she has done for me since... well, before I was born. I am so blessed that God gave me a wonderful motherly example to follow! I can only hope to be as wonderful as she is.
In honor of mother's day, just thought of some things that I have learned since becoming a mother and reflecting on the days before I was a mother. My life has changed so much. People at work comment on me having "mommy patience" with kids when they come in to eat. And I do believe my perspective on life has changed. In thinking of all this I was reminded of this note I wrote on Facebook 3 days before my little girl was born.
25 Things I've Learned The Past Nine Months
1. God is indescribable. I am completely blown away by His amazing love, forgiveness, and grace. I am so undeserving of every blessing He has given me and I could not imagine life without Him.
2. Family is the most important thing in my life. No matter what I go through and no matter where I've been I know my family will stick by my side and stand up for me.
3. Who my true friends are. True friends are the ones that stand up for you when you've messed up. That understand and will do anything to help you. Will call you just to see how you are doing. Don't run away when things get uncomfortable and will not care to be seen with a waddling pregnant woman in public :)
4. The miracle of life. Pregnancy is truly a miracle. It is completely unbelievable how a life can form from two microscopic cells. Just watching the ultrasounds and hearing a heart beat at just 10 weeks from something that honestly looks like a peanut. And watching that peanut turn into something that looks, feels, sleeps, and kicks like a baby is indescribable.
5. The only thing that is eternal is a soul. Everything in this life is meaningless. When it's all over it doesn't matter what career you had, how much money you made, or what your GPA was. The only thing that matters in the end is where you are going to spend the rest of eternity and the impact that you left on this earth.
6. Patience. Although I haven't mastered this goal by any means, I feel that it is something I am faced with daily. From waiting on doctors, waiting on circumstances to be solved, and truly seeing that with a little patience in every situation, God will come through.
7. Love. I know what it means to love someone so much that you would sacrifice everything you thought was important just to be able to be with them. I know that human love will never be perfect but I know that no matter what Kennedy does or says I will always love her. I have also seen such great examples of love in my own life lately. From the unconditional love from my parents and close friends to the overwhelming and magnificent love of a wonderful Savior.
8. Not to care what people think. Everyone has his or her own opinion. You can't change that. All you can do is be completely confident that you are doing the right thing and ignore the looks, comments, or judgment that is trying to keep you down.
9. God answers prayer. From the very beginning when I prayed for God to slam the door in my face if I wasn't meant to go to New York (right before I found out I was pregnant) to insurance problems, pediatricians, and other situations that arose. God doesn't always give the answer you expect but he will always lead you in the right direction.
10. Stable doesn't necessarily mean normal. Though Kennedy may not be born into what some may consider a "normal" family she has more love and people that are so excited to see her than some babies who are born into a "normal" family. I have seen that there are many different types of families and the definition of a family is simply people who love each other and look out for each other.
11. Some people surprise you. Some people I thought would be so judgmental or unsupportive of my decision to keep the baby have had completely opposite reactions. The same is true however for some people that I thought would be supportive that haven't been.
12. Fetal hiccups are so much fun! I never thought that I could get so much joy, excitement, and entertainment from feeling Kennedy move. Out of all the movement and the kicks I must say that the hiccups are my favorite. Annoying at times, yes, but I just have to remind myself how amazing it is that there is a little person inside of me that gets hiccups just like I do :)
13. The generosity of people is amazing. I had four baby showers. Four! It completely blows me away at the gifts I received and the eagerness of so many friends to help out. I am so thankful and grateful to every single person. I ended up not having to spend much money at all on things I needed to get ready for her to be here and for that I am soooo thankful and couldn't put into words what it means to me.
14. Pregnancy truly bonds a mother and daughter. My mom and I have gotten extremely close throughout this whole experience. She is my role-model and my constant friend. I am so blessed to have her as a great example to look up to.
15. Distance is no match for true friendship. True friends will stay close no matter how many miles are put between them. Period.
16. No matter how big you think the baby is getting it will ALWAYS get bigger. I remember thinking how big I was and how heavy she was at just 5 months. HA!
17, Great stories are meant to be shared. I love telling my story to people. It is such a personal testimony to how God has truly reviled Himself to me. I love sitting with people one on one and simply sharing this experience.
18. What To Expect When You're Expecting is the holy book of pregnancy. If you are pregnant and do not have this book, get it. Now.
19. Mexican food does not start labor late in pregnancy. In fact mexican food late in pregnancy just causes nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and possible diarrhea but you can't take pepto bismol when your pregnant so just watch out :)
20. Full moons do not always lead to labor. My mother was convinced that Kennedy would come on the full moon. This was because she went into labor on a full moon with both me and my brother. There is some scientific proof to why full moons make women go into labor. It didn't work for me.
21. No matter how much you think you are ready for labor you will never be. As much as I try to convince myself that I am so ready to have this baby I am so nervous about what it is going to be like and how everything is about to change. I really think I am ready to tackle all of this but there is still that anxiousness.
22. When you are pregnant you will see numbers on a scale you never thought possible. Enough said.
23. The first trimester of pregnancy is def the worst. The second is the best and by the third you are miserable but at least you aren't as sick as you were in those first few months.
24. Nine months are needed in pregnancy to fully prepare you for motherhood. I look back at who I was nine months ago and how much I have matured and changed in order to be a good mother. It is amazing how much motherly instinct just comes over the months.
25. My life has changed forever. It will continue to change but I believe it has been the best change I could ever ask for and I couldn't imagine having it any other way.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYBODY!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Share your story
This morning was an interesting morning. I went to see my little brother's senior recognition at the church I grew up at. It is always weird for me to go back there. That place holds so many memories, some good, some bad. It is good to see people I haven't seen in a while but most of the time it makes me feel uncomfortable. Anyway, I can not believe that my little brother is about to graduate high school. They had a time for prayer and had all of the parents of the seniors go down front to pray over their students and I lost it. Tears started rolling down my face. I don't know what was making me cry exactly I think it was a mixture of Jason growing up and also the fact that he is going to college where a lot of my straying from God began. I think I am more scared for him than anything. I was praying with them over him from my seat just praying for God to keep his heart focused on Him.
After this we came back and had a nice brunch with my grandparents. I made omelets for everyone and it was really good. I love making omelets :).
I went to our small group tonight from church. About ten of us try to get together every Sunday night to go over the message and just talk about what is going on in our lives. Blake and I are blessed to have a church that does these "community groups." We are in a group with our pastor and it is always good to hear him elaborate and talk more about things he may have left out of the sermon or just to hear his imput. We have a very diverse but great group of people.
The sermon this morning at OneLife Church, where we go, was about sharing your story. It was about sharing what God did in your life and how he saved you or has shown you hope in your life. How we as Christians should be ready to tell people why we have the hope that we do. About all of those little confirmations we receive from God. I feel the need to share my story of redemption with you. How God saved me from a path of destruction and because I trusted Him, He overcame my circumstances.
Before I tell you my story I would really like to hear yours. If you are a child of God how did he call you to him? We all have different ways He calls us, but as my friend Harrison said tonight, isn't it cool that we all have the same result, a relationship with God!
So here is my story:
My junior year of college was a pretty crazy time in my life. I lost my boyfriend of a year and my best friend took his side and didn't talk to me and we didn't really talk again until a couple years later. In this time I found some other people that accepted me but the only thing they wanted to ever do was go out and drink and this is where my downfall began.
I also became complete consumed in my schoolwork and what career I wanted. I was an advertising major and poured my heart and soul into my classes. Resulting in many many all-nighters and a ranking at the top of my class. I had an internship at a great ad agency here and was headed for the big city. In November 2008 I was selected as a top candidate for interviews for two summer internships at world wide ad agencies in New York. This was all I focused everything on was my future life in New York City.
While interviewing in New York with several other advertising students in January I was living the New York life. We were going out every night and having fun. Well I was surrounding myself with people that didn't know me and because I had never really been a good christian example around them they didn't know that I was any different than them. The last night we were there me and this other girl were out with two guys that live in NYC that we had met through an alumni. They took us to a lot of local bars and we thought it was really cool. The guy I was with then proceeded to take me home with him. I told him that I didn't want to go home with him because he worked at one of the places I was interviewing at. After another drink I went to the girl I was with and asked her when we were going back to the hotel because the guy wanted me to go home with him and she simply just told me to go with him.
At this apartment, with a guy a barely knew, and entirely too much alcohol, I lost my virginity. I didn't want it to happen, I just didn't know how to stop it. The only thing I could think at the time was he has to use a condom. If this is really going to happen, which that is where it looked like it was going, he has to. So I told him and he put on a condom and proceeded. There were things he said to me that night that I will never get over. I was personally degraded by him. I woke up the next morning so embarrassed and regretting everything. I got up told him I had to leave and took a taxi back to the hotel thinking the entire way how much I had totally screwed up and let God down.
The other girl I was with had gone home with the other boy as well. And the entire next day at the airport I got to listen to her brag about her amazing night with this guy. I was just so regretful of my night and I was so miserable being around these people who didn't seem to care about me. I text my roommate/best friend and told her I was so ready to come home and that as soon as I came home I needed to talk to her. She asked if I was okay and I told her that something had happened and I needed to talk to someone who really cares about me.
After we got back I told her about the guy. She was the only one I told. She helped me out so much and just told me that God will forgive me. Then she dragged me to church the next day because I didn't want to go. I was so embarrassed and broke down and cried during church the next day because the guilt was so great. I hadn't cried that that in a year and a half because crying to me was a sign of weakness and weakness wouldn't get me to New York.
The next day I had this very strong come to Jesus quiet time where I was so convicted and just confessed everything. That I knew it was wrong, did it anyway, and I was so so sorry and I wouldn't do it again. I was then completely covered in the forgiveness and grace of God and it was the best feeling I have ever experienced. I committed to not drinking for a month, which was going to be hard with the people I surround myself with. But I felt that God was calling me to do this so I obeyed.
I had learned my lesson. I had really messed up and and now I had repented and was forgiven. I knew that there would would be the guilt and regret but that was the only consequence I thought I was going to have to face. There was just one question, what about New York? Could I really go up there and be who I was down here? Was this one instance enough to change me? Or would I continue to try to erase what happened to me with more men, more mistakes, running further away from God by getting swept up in that "Sex and the City" lifestyle? I knew only one way to find out. There is only One who can see into the future so I prayed. I prayed with all my heart. "God, please please help me make this decision. You are the only one who can see into the future and God if I am going to go up there and live a life that isn't for You, please stop me." When I prayed this prayer my way of stopping me was that by some miracle I, after all my hard work and dedication, would not get the internship. But I did eventually get offered both internships. God stopped me in another way. What would turn out to be a much much better way.
A few weeks later I bought a pregnancy test when I happened to be a few days late just to prove to myself I was crazy and that I wasn't pregnant. I just wanted to see the negative to put my mind at ease. Instead I was shocked. Shocked doesn't even begin to describe it. I went out and bought 2 more and took them, all of them saying positive or thanks to the digital readout "pregnant". I called my roommate, Lauren, and told her to come home. She got back home finding me laying in the floor crying and just sat there and held me. She was the strong person in my life that kept me sane and grounded in God throughout all of this.
Lauren called the Hope Resource Center and made me an appointment and drove me there the next day. That night I told my parents. They were in shock because this isn't me. It's not who I am. But they have been VERY supportive. God has blessed me so much with them and I'm so thankful.
Two weeks after I found out, my church at the time had its disciple now for college students. I went and the speaker, Brian Richards, was amazing! God moved in my life like I have never experienced. I realized how I hadn't included God in my New York plans and how this is His will. That I have a baby and use this as my testimony to show how he can take a huge mistake and change a life while creating a new one inside me. He has taken all of the plans I made and worked so hard for and put above him and crushed them. He has blessed me with a soul that I can raise to know Him! This is something I wrote to a friend: "I have realized how everything is meaningless (in Ecclesiastes) and just how the only thing that is eternal is a soul. This is what I have now, a little soul. I don't have a career plan or a corporate lifestyle but I have something so much better. I have found God's plan. I'm not sure what all that entails and how it is all going to work out. I know it is not going to be easy and I'm going to get a lot of looks of disappointment and some judgment but I'm relying on God to help me through it. He has blessed me with so many people that are supporting me and I am so thankful."
Another thing among many that I had to deal with was the father. I didn't want to tell him. I never wanted to talk to or see him again honestly. I remember spring break I was house sitting and by myself in this big house just crying out to God about what to do about telling him or not. God answered me, not in an audible voice but spoke to my heart and this flooded my mind. "If you do not tell Him you are taking this situation into your own hands. Let me handle it. Let me handle him." At that point I knew that I had to be obedient to God. I had to tell this man and leave his involvement up to him. I didn't want him to be involved but that needed to be left up to God. Left in His control. This all happened about 3 months after I found out. I waited a long time because I needed to make sure that I was grounded enough in my decision to not let him influence me. The only way I had to contact him was through email and he wrote me back saying what a horrible mistake I had made and how I was stupid for keeping the baby. Needless to say he didn't want to be involved. He wasn't really mean about it it was just very differing opinions. This made it much easier on me though.
Kennedy Grace was born on October 9, 2009. I decided to name her Kennedy Grace and chose Grace because that is what God has shown me through all of this. His grace.
God gave me the strength to finish college by only extending my classes one summer. I worked three jobs for a while and got a job offer right out of college, that job didn't work out, but I did learn a lot from it.
I have a huge heart for girls going through situations like this. Especially Christian girls. One of the hardest things for me was that some people could not believe that I was a christian and make a mistake like that. How could I be a christian and a single pregnant woman? My goal is to make people aware that God always calls His children back and that Christians aren't perfect we just have a God that overcomes our mistakes.
After this we came back and had a nice brunch with my grandparents. I made omelets for everyone and it was really good. I love making omelets :).
I went to our small group tonight from church. About ten of us try to get together every Sunday night to go over the message and just talk about what is going on in our lives. Blake and I are blessed to have a church that does these "community groups." We are in a group with our pastor and it is always good to hear him elaborate and talk more about things he may have left out of the sermon or just to hear his imput. We have a very diverse but great group of people.
The sermon this morning at OneLife Church, where we go, was about sharing your story. It was about sharing what God did in your life and how he saved you or has shown you hope in your life. How we as Christians should be ready to tell people why we have the hope that we do. About all of those little confirmations we receive from God. I feel the need to share my story of redemption with you. How God saved me from a path of destruction and because I trusted Him, He overcame my circumstances.
Before I tell you my story I would really like to hear yours. If you are a child of God how did he call you to him? We all have different ways He calls us, but as my friend Harrison said tonight, isn't it cool that we all have the same result, a relationship with God!
So here is my story:
My junior year of college was a pretty crazy time in my life. I lost my boyfriend of a year and my best friend took his side and didn't talk to me and we didn't really talk again until a couple years later. In this time I found some other people that accepted me but the only thing they wanted to ever do was go out and drink and this is where my downfall began.
I also became complete consumed in my schoolwork and what career I wanted. I was an advertising major and poured my heart and soul into my classes. Resulting in many many all-nighters and a ranking at the top of my class. I had an internship at a great ad agency here and was headed for the big city. In November 2008 I was selected as a top candidate for interviews for two summer internships at world wide ad agencies in New York. This was all I focused everything on was my future life in New York City.
While interviewing in New York with several other advertising students in January I was living the New York life. We were going out every night and having fun. Well I was surrounding myself with people that didn't know me and because I had never really been a good christian example around them they didn't know that I was any different than them. The last night we were there me and this other girl were out with two guys that live in NYC that we had met through an alumni. They took us to a lot of local bars and we thought it was really cool. The guy I was with then proceeded to take me home with him. I told him that I didn't want to go home with him because he worked at one of the places I was interviewing at. After another drink I went to the girl I was with and asked her when we were going back to the hotel because the guy wanted me to go home with him and she simply just told me to go with him.
At this apartment, with a guy a barely knew, and entirely too much alcohol, I lost my virginity. I didn't want it to happen, I just didn't know how to stop it. The only thing I could think at the time was he has to use a condom. If this is really going to happen, which that is where it looked like it was going, he has to. So I told him and he put on a condom and proceeded. There were things he said to me that night that I will never get over. I was personally degraded by him. I woke up the next morning so embarrassed and regretting everything. I got up told him I had to leave and took a taxi back to the hotel thinking the entire way how much I had totally screwed up and let God down.
The other girl I was with had gone home with the other boy as well. And the entire next day at the airport I got to listen to her brag about her amazing night with this guy. I was just so regretful of my night and I was so miserable being around these people who didn't seem to care about me. I text my roommate/best friend and told her I was so ready to come home and that as soon as I came home I needed to talk to her. She asked if I was okay and I told her that something had happened and I needed to talk to someone who really cares about me.
After we got back I told her about the guy. She was the only one I told. She helped me out so much and just told me that God will forgive me. Then she dragged me to church the next day because I didn't want to go. I was so embarrassed and broke down and cried during church the next day because the guilt was so great. I hadn't cried that that in a year and a half because crying to me was a sign of weakness and weakness wouldn't get me to New York.
The next day I had this very strong come to Jesus quiet time where I was so convicted and just confessed everything. That I knew it was wrong, did it anyway, and I was so so sorry and I wouldn't do it again. I was then completely covered in the forgiveness and grace of God and it was the best feeling I have ever experienced. I committed to not drinking for a month, which was going to be hard with the people I surround myself with. But I felt that God was calling me to do this so I obeyed.
I had learned my lesson. I had really messed up and and now I had repented and was forgiven. I knew that there would would be the guilt and regret but that was the only consequence I thought I was going to have to face. There was just one question, what about New York? Could I really go up there and be who I was down here? Was this one instance enough to change me? Or would I continue to try to erase what happened to me with more men, more mistakes, running further away from God by getting swept up in that "Sex and the City" lifestyle? I knew only one way to find out. There is only One who can see into the future so I prayed. I prayed with all my heart. "God, please please help me make this decision. You are the only one who can see into the future and God if I am going to go up there and live a life that isn't for You, please stop me." When I prayed this prayer my way of stopping me was that by some miracle I, after all my hard work and dedication, would not get the internship. But I did eventually get offered both internships. God stopped me in another way. What would turn out to be a much much better way.
A few weeks later I bought a pregnancy test when I happened to be a few days late just to prove to myself I was crazy and that I wasn't pregnant. I just wanted to see the negative to put my mind at ease. Instead I was shocked. Shocked doesn't even begin to describe it. I went out and bought 2 more and took them, all of them saying positive or thanks to the digital readout "pregnant". I called my roommate, Lauren, and told her to come home. She got back home finding me laying in the floor crying and just sat there and held me. She was the strong person in my life that kept me sane and grounded in God throughout all of this.
Lauren called the Hope Resource Center and made me an appointment and drove me there the next day. That night I told my parents. They were in shock because this isn't me. It's not who I am. But they have been VERY supportive. God has blessed me so much with them and I'm so thankful.
Two weeks after I found out, my church at the time had its disciple now for college students. I went and the speaker, Brian Richards, was amazing! God moved in my life like I have never experienced. I realized how I hadn't included God in my New York plans and how this is His will. That I have a baby and use this as my testimony to show how he can take a huge mistake and change a life while creating a new one inside me. He has taken all of the plans I made and worked so hard for and put above him and crushed them. He has blessed me with a soul that I can raise to know Him! This is something I wrote to a friend: "I have realized how everything is meaningless (in Ecclesiastes) and just how the only thing that is eternal is a soul. This is what I have now, a little soul. I don't have a career plan or a corporate lifestyle but I have something so much better. I have found God's plan. I'm not sure what all that entails and how it is all going to work out. I know it is not going to be easy and I'm going to get a lot of looks of disappointment and some judgment but I'm relying on God to help me through it. He has blessed me with so many people that are supporting me and I am so thankful."
Another thing among many that I had to deal with was the father. I didn't want to tell him. I never wanted to talk to or see him again honestly. I remember spring break I was house sitting and by myself in this big house just crying out to God about what to do about telling him or not. God answered me, not in an audible voice but spoke to my heart and this flooded my mind. "If you do not tell Him you are taking this situation into your own hands. Let me handle it. Let me handle him." At that point I knew that I had to be obedient to God. I had to tell this man and leave his involvement up to him. I didn't want him to be involved but that needed to be left up to God. Left in His control. This all happened about 3 months after I found out. I waited a long time because I needed to make sure that I was grounded enough in my decision to not let him influence me. The only way I had to contact him was through email and he wrote me back saying what a horrible mistake I had made and how I was stupid for keeping the baby. Needless to say he didn't want to be involved. He wasn't really mean about it it was just very differing opinions. This made it much easier on me though.
Kennedy Grace was born on October 9, 2009. I decided to name her Kennedy Grace and chose Grace because that is what God has shown me through all of this. His grace.
God gave me the strength to finish college by only extending my classes one summer. I worked three jobs for a while and got a job offer right out of college, that job didn't work out, but I did learn a lot from it.
I have a huge heart for girls going through situations like this. Especially Christian girls. One of the hardest things for me was that some people could not believe that I was a christian and make a mistake like that. How could I be a christian and a single pregnant woman? My goal is to make people aware that God always calls His children back and that Christians aren't perfect we just have a God that overcomes our mistakes.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Welcome to our blog
Hello world!
This is our little piece of the web to share our story and what is going on in our lives. In order to do this I feel you need to know who we are and where we are coming from. Blake and I got married on February 12, 2011. The best way I know to explain our story is to use what we typed our for our wedding website so here it is... This is our story...
I met him officially after the concert at an after party at someone's house. He was being "typical Blake" and all I really remember was him saying he had a test on Monday and he needed to throw up. So he sat down with a gallon of milk and drank it until he threw up outside in the front yard. And that was the first time we met.
So the next few weeks I get a message on Facebook from this guy Blake and it said this, "Hey... this is going to sound REALLY weird! lol. But could you give me a call maybe tomorrow? Like after one o'clock? lol My number is..." I really had no idea what this guy was wanting since I barely talked to him at that party but I figured why not. So I called him the next day.
He told me he had been walking and talking with God and just praying for God to send him a sign. He was getting over a recent breakup and wanted God to show him the next step. I'm sure you can read his story for more info haha. But after that I was like well that is interesting that God would just show you my picture on facebook and then you call me. So we started talking more.
I was kind of dating someone else at the time me and Blake started talking. Nothing serious but when Blake came up to visit we decided to start dating, even if it was long distance. We went to a mission expo thing the first night where I always remember the picture of Blake teaching an underprivileged child to play guitar.
That showed me early on what kind of boy he was then and what kind of man he would become. Also on this trip to Knoxville he and I went to Cades Cove with some others and we took pictures that are in our photo album here on this site.
On this day we rode around together in the car all day, we went to guitar center, and then I took him back to my house to meet my mom since we were out that way. We then went back to Matt's apartment where Blake was staying. It was soon time for Blake to leave because he was leaving that night. So we walked out together and decided that we should officially start dating and we then had our first kiss in the parking lot.
Thanksgiving was just around the corner and I went to visit Blake in Tullahoma where I stayed with his family for the weekend. We went to the high school and had a picnic on the drum major stand over the practice field. Then I watched Blake complete the marine course and we watched the sunset on the runway at the small Tullahoma airport. We went to church the next day and then out to eat. All of these photos are in our album.
A few weeks later we both realized that we were not ready for a long distance relationship and we broke up.
We still remained friends and would talk occasionally. He would still come and see me everytime he was in Knoxville and I would randomly see him when I would visit Heather. This included a new year's eve party and one time we even went "ghost hunting" lol
I then started to go down a different path. I became consumed in my major at school and began to be influenced by the wrong people. Blake kept texting me on and off during this time telling me to take care of myself. I was annoyed that he would tell me that and that in my mind he didn't trust me but he really just cared about me.
This road led me to New York City where I made a bad decision one night and in a drunken state went home with a man. I lost my virginity to this man and I was devastated. My friend Lauren (MOH) was the only one I told. She was there by my side through it all and lead me to church and encouraged me to get right with God, which I did.
I couldn't believe that this had happened and prayed for God to stop me if I wasn't meant to be in NYC. I found out a couple weeks later I was pregnant. Again, Lauren was the first one to know and she stuck by my side through the thick and thin and through the 6hr time change while she was studying abroad in Germany.
Blake was one of the first people I told. Partially because I knew he was talking to me a lot and thought he might start to like me again and I wanted to give him a reason to move on.
When I told him the story the first thing he said to me was "Congratulations! Carrie, you are going to be a mom. That is so exciting! Out of all the people I know you are the most prepared for it." That meant so much to me and he was the ONLY one that responded in this way upon first hearing the news.
He continued to stick by my side and be a friend through the pregnancy. I noticed he really started falling for me and I was angry with him for it. I was so mad at men in general and had some major trust issues associated with it. I also hadn't forgiven myself and I knew that I didn't deserve a great man like Blake. I tried so hard to give him every reason to move on. Looking back on it I was just downright mean to him. But he still stuck by my side.
He was at the hospital when my daughter, Kennedy was born. I'm so glad he was! Even though I made it very difficult on him I thank him for being so persistent through it all.
After the pregnancy hormones settled I began to see that maybe I was attracted to him and maybe I did have feelings for him. I began to see this on Halloween 09 when we went out to a haunted house. I didn't tell him any of this but I was just going to see where it led. A few weeks later I found out he had a girlfriend and it wasn't me.
I was so confused on how he could be so "in love" with me but be dating someone else. But I realized I had ruined his life enough just by being so mean to him the past few months and there was no way I was going to tell him that I was coming around when it seemed like he was happy. So I didn't even talk to him for the next three months keeping my distance so I wouldn't ruin his life anymore. I knew I had missed my chance with him.
Well after him and this girl broke up I called Blake to catch up. I told him that I missed talking to him and I would like to catch up. We started talking on a regular basis and things began to snowball from there. He called me one Sunday while his grandmother was in the hospital in Nashville and told me to pray for his family because they were taking her off of life support. I decided to do something crazy at that point. I left Kennedy with my parents and drove to Nashville to spend about 2 hours there before I had to drive back. When I met him in the parking lot it was the first time we had seen each other since that Halloween night 4 months earlier.
I knew at that point that I was in love. When i was willing to drop everything and make a crazy trip to Nashville to be with him I knew.
I remember walking down the hospital hallway and he grabbed my hand. It was the first time it really felt right. I knew that we both cared about each other so much. We talked about it and we both realized if we started dating that we were in it for the long run and we would get married. We were both on the same page and began dating in April of 2010.
We have been through many ups and downs together throughout our entire friendship and it has created a great testimony to who God is in our lives. He told Blake a long time ago that we were going to be together and I didn't believe Blake when He told me and now I feel stupid. It just took God a little longer to tell me or maybe a little longer for me to listen.
I couldn't ask for a better husband and Kennedy could not ask for a better father.
Photo credit: Laura Purtee
During the show, I took notice of a friend who had come in from college to see us preform. Along beside her stood a cute brunette with a smile not soon forgotten. My eye were glued to her. The night pressed on and so did my interest in finding out more about this beautiful young lady.
After the show our friend and my woman of perspective interest came over to talk. In the midst of the conversation I learned her name was Carrie. Carrie accompanied us to a friends house after the show where we all took a night to catch up, watch T.V.. and take part in some honestly harmless shenanigans. After the night ended i still hadn't worked up the nerve to talk to this girl and just went on with my life. During this point in my life I was still dealing with the hardest grief I had experienced to date. My first love had broken up with me, gone to college, and gone back and forth from loving me to not loving me within 24 hour periods. I was incredibly confused and clung to hope that my hurt would be all over soon enough.
On a walk one night, a few weeks after the show, I was walking and talking with God. I was praying for relief from this confusion and asking him to just take it away. I didn't want to trust anyone but Him and I just simply asked for Him to Take away any feelings for the opposite sex until He was good and ready for me to have them. At that moment I had a peace I hadn't had in around 4 months. A peace that He heard me and promised to do just that. I got back home, went to my computer just before bed to check my Facebook. No sooner than I logged in did Carrie's face and name pop up. At a moments notice, out of no where, and totally unexpected, God said, "This is her. The one. Call her and tell her what I have shown you and I will take it from there." Now to answer your question, yes, I felt absolutely crazy. The more I denied God was telling me this the more He showed me I needed to do this. ...So... I mustered up some courage and sent a Facebook message asking her to call me.
The next day Carrie sent me a message back and said she would call a little later in the day, but no sooner did I start preparing and then she called. In a moment of insecurity i just starting spouting out what I felt God laying on my heart. To a girl I didn't even know. A girl who I was sure would make me feel like an idiot for saying such things. As soon as i finished my speech i waited in shame for my verbal beating and recommendation to see a psychiatrist. But... it never came... The sweet voice on the other phone simply said, " Well Blake, if this is what God is telling you then maybe we should listen and just try it." This was no means the response anyone would expect but it happened.
So cutting corners a little, Carrie and I began to date but after a few short visits to see each other I started to feel heart broken again. Carrie lived so far away and without her there in the same city I slowly started to focus on that old hurt and heartbreak. I began to feel as though I was treating Carrie wrong because I was thinking about another girl and we slowly started drifting apart. A phone call ended things one day when we both just agreed that we didn't feel it was working out. We just had two totally separate lives.
Throughout the next three years Carrie and I still stayed fairly close, and so did that promise that God made me on that walk that night. Carrie got more and more consumed in her life and I in mine. Phone calls and text messages between us grew more rare and we both went on to date other people.
God never let her off my heart. Carrie got into the typical college scene. Drinking, Partying and just letting loose. She became very career focused and I slowly saw the the passion for God she once had fading. Every time the Lord would remind me how He had shown her to be the one for me, the more I ran away. I "took the high road" became self absorbed and convinced myself that I didn't want anything to do with a girl like what she had become. I see now how I was just as wrong as she ever was.
One night in Knoxville, TN. Carrie's hometown. I had just arrived at a church with a band I was on the road with at the time. We were in the process of loading in, a process which is designated before every gig to scout out the venue, place staging, sound equipment, etc. along with dreaming as to how you hoped the following show would turn out. This time I had another concern on my mind. One the ride to Knoxville I had texted Carrie with the message I had sent many times before; a text that most of the time I never received a response to: Hey, I'm coming to Knoxville. Would love to see you. Hope you are well. - Blake. Only this time I did receive a reply. It said, " Hey, I really want to talk with you about something." We agreed to meet at the church my band was traveling to.
After about an hour of set-up, Carrie came in and we proceeded to a couch in the foyer. She proceeded to tell a story of all she had been going through and finished with the words, "I'm Pregnant." "Carrie, a mom?" I thought. wow. I remember one of my first thoughts was that this baby was going to be one beautiful baby and do great things for the Lord. I began to tell her how excited I was and how God was really so in control of this and we began to talk for hours.
The more I talked to Carrie, the more I saw this girl transformed into a woman. A woman who had been running away from God but found herself running straight into His arms. She was in love with Him again and that made me happier that I had been in a long time. During my that weekend in Knoxville I fell in love.
The Pregnancy
The pregnancy was without a doubt a life experience in it's self. God constantly encouraged me to stick in there and believe him. During this time though Carrie had so much on her mind to worry about a relationship right then. She was angry at men and was figuring out how in the world she was going to support this baby and stay in school. The next nine months were so hard yet so rewarding. I got to develop a close friendship with Carrie and her family.
Two Girls - One Dream Come True
Oct. 9 2009 - I was sitting in the waiting room at park west hospital. Awaiting the birth of Carrie's daughter Kennedy. The moment she came into this world, she changed mine forever. Enough said.
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After Kennedy was born Carrie obviously had no time on her hands. And I began to feel more and more in the way. The distance between Tullahoma and Knoxville took toll again on me and started making my hope grow thin. I dated another girl and spent the next three months trying to convince myself that staying away from Carrie was best for her. I got caught in a trap of trying to make this other girl I was dating into Carrie. And it obviously took a huge toll on that relationship. It was practically over when it began. After that relationship ended I got the phone call that I had dreamed about. The phone call that showed once in for all that God was God. Carrie called and said, " I'm done breast feeding, i know my hormones aren't out of wack and I have feelings for you."
Today I am engaged to the woman I have dreamed of all my life and have a sweet little girl that is going to call me daddy in a few short months. I could not possibly be more lucky... or happy. After all is said in done, the thing I am most thankful for is how thinking about this story makes me so in love with God. Thank you for your faithfulness to me Father. I love you.
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"Don't ask God to work things in your favor. If you do, you aren't allowing Him enough space to answer you correctly. Just ask Him to show you His will and you will be shown the whole picture sooner or later. Trust me." - Andrew Roberts
This is our little piece of the web to share our story and what is going on in our lives. In order to do this I feel you need to know who we are and where we are coming from. Blake and I got married on February 12, 2011. The best way I know to explain our story is to use what we typed our for our wedding website so here it is... This is our story...
Carrie's Story
My freshman year in college I went home with one of my new friends, Heather Hartman. While I was visiting her in Estill Springs, TN, we went to an Empty Chair reunion concert in Tullahoma to see our friend Matt Brock play. Blake was in the band playing guitar.I met him officially after the concert at an after party at someone's house. He was being "typical Blake" and all I really remember was him saying he had a test on Monday and he needed to throw up. So he sat down with a gallon of milk and drank it until he threw up outside in the front yard. And that was the first time we met.
So the next few weeks I get a message on Facebook from this guy Blake and it said this, "Hey... this is going to sound REALLY weird! lol. But could you give me a call maybe tomorrow? Like after one o'clock? lol My number is..." I really had no idea what this guy was wanting since I barely talked to him at that party but I figured why not. So I called him the next day.
He told me he had been walking and talking with God and just praying for God to send him a sign. He was getting over a recent breakup and wanted God to show him the next step. I'm sure you can read his story for more info haha. But after that I was like well that is interesting that God would just show you my picture on facebook and then you call me. So we started talking more.
I was kind of dating someone else at the time me and Blake started talking. Nothing serious but when Blake came up to visit we decided to start dating, even if it was long distance. We went to a mission expo thing the first night where I always remember the picture of Blake teaching an underprivileged child to play guitar.
That showed me early on what kind of boy he was then and what kind of man he would become. Also on this trip to Knoxville he and I went to Cades Cove with some others and we took pictures that are in our photo album here on this site.
On this day we rode around together in the car all day, we went to guitar center, and then I took him back to my house to meet my mom since we were out that way. We then went back to Matt's apartment where Blake was staying. It was soon time for Blake to leave because he was leaving that night. So we walked out together and decided that we should officially start dating and we then had our first kiss in the parking lot.
Thanksgiving was just around the corner and I went to visit Blake in Tullahoma where I stayed with his family for the weekend. We went to the high school and had a picnic on the drum major stand over the practice field. Then I watched Blake complete the marine course and we watched the sunset on the runway at the small Tullahoma airport. We went to church the next day and then out to eat. All of these photos are in our album.
A few weeks later we both realized that we were not ready for a long distance relationship and we broke up.
We still remained friends and would talk occasionally. He would still come and see me everytime he was in Knoxville and I would randomly see him when I would visit Heather. This included a new year's eve party and one time we even went "ghost hunting" lol
I then started to go down a different path. I became consumed in my major at school and began to be influenced by the wrong people. Blake kept texting me on and off during this time telling me to take care of myself. I was annoyed that he would tell me that and that in my mind he didn't trust me but he really just cared about me.
This road led me to New York City where I made a bad decision one night and in a drunken state went home with a man. I lost my virginity to this man and I was devastated. My friend Lauren (MOH) was the only one I told. She was there by my side through it all and lead me to church and encouraged me to get right with God, which I did.
I couldn't believe that this had happened and prayed for God to stop me if I wasn't meant to be in NYC. I found out a couple weeks later I was pregnant. Again, Lauren was the first one to know and she stuck by my side through the thick and thin and through the 6hr time change while she was studying abroad in Germany.
Blake was one of the first people I told. Partially because I knew he was talking to me a lot and thought he might start to like me again and I wanted to give him a reason to move on.
When I told him the story the first thing he said to me was "Congratulations! Carrie, you are going to be a mom. That is so exciting! Out of all the people I know you are the most prepared for it." That meant so much to me and he was the ONLY one that responded in this way upon first hearing the news.
He continued to stick by my side and be a friend through the pregnancy. I noticed he really started falling for me and I was angry with him for it. I was so mad at men in general and had some major trust issues associated with it. I also hadn't forgiven myself and I knew that I didn't deserve a great man like Blake. I tried so hard to give him every reason to move on. Looking back on it I was just downright mean to him. But he still stuck by my side.
He was at the hospital when my daughter, Kennedy was born. I'm so glad he was! Even though I made it very difficult on him I thank him for being so persistent through it all.
After the pregnancy hormones settled I began to see that maybe I was attracted to him and maybe I did have feelings for him. I began to see this on Halloween 09 when we went out to a haunted house. I didn't tell him any of this but I was just going to see where it led. A few weeks later I found out he had a girlfriend and it wasn't me.
I was so confused on how he could be so "in love" with me but be dating someone else. But I realized I had ruined his life enough just by being so mean to him the past few months and there was no way I was going to tell him that I was coming around when it seemed like he was happy. So I didn't even talk to him for the next three months keeping my distance so I wouldn't ruin his life anymore. I knew I had missed my chance with him.
Well after him and this girl broke up I called Blake to catch up. I told him that I missed talking to him and I would like to catch up. We started talking on a regular basis and things began to snowball from there. He called me one Sunday while his grandmother was in the hospital in Nashville and told me to pray for his family because they were taking her off of life support. I decided to do something crazy at that point. I left Kennedy with my parents and drove to Nashville to spend about 2 hours there before I had to drive back. When I met him in the parking lot it was the first time we had seen each other since that Halloween night 4 months earlier.
I knew at that point that I was in love. When i was willing to drop everything and make a crazy trip to Nashville to be with him I knew.
I remember walking down the hospital hallway and he grabbed my hand. It was the first time it really felt right. I knew that we both cared about each other so much. We talked about it and we both realized if we started dating that we were in it for the long run and we would get married. We were both on the same page and began dating in April of 2010.
We have been through many ups and downs together throughout our entire friendship and it has created a great testimony to who God is in our lives. He told Blake a long time ago that we were going to be together and I didn't believe Blake when He told me and now I feel stupid. It just took God a little longer to tell me or maybe a little longer for me to listen.
I couldn't ask for a better husband and Kennedy could not ask for a better father.
Photo credit: Laura Purtee
Blake's Story
The show took about 2 months of planning and the moment was finally here. The christian rock group I had played with, for the majority of my high school career, was having it's "reunion concert" in a local park near First Baptist Church Tullahoma, TN. A dozen space heaters occupied the stage along with guitar amplifiers and drums on this very cold October evening. As we took the stage we struck the first note, leading into a contemporary praise and worship which themed the evening.During the show, I took notice of a friend who had come in from college to see us preform. Along beside her stood a cute brunette with a smile not soon forgotten. My eye were glued to her. The night pressed on and so did my interest in finding out more about this beautiful young lady.
After the show our friend and my woman of perspective interest came over to talk. In the midst of the conversation I learned her name was Carrie. Carrie accompanied us to a friends house after the show where we all took a night to catch up, watch T.V.. and take part in some honestly harmless shenanigans. After the night ended i still hadn't worked up the nerve to talk to this girl and just went on with my life. During this point in my life I was still dealing with the hardest grief I had experienced to date. My first love had broken up with me, gone to college, and gone back and forth from loving me to not loving me within 24 hour periods. I was incredibly confused and clung to hope that my hurt would be all over soon enough.
On a walk one night, a few weeks after the show, I was walking and talking with God. I was praying for relief from this confusion and asking him to just take it away. I didn't want to trust anyone but Him and I just simply asked for Him to Take away any feelings for the opposite sex until He was good and ready for me to have them. At that moment I had a peace I hadn't had in around 4 months. A peace that He heard me and promised to do just that. I got back home, went to my computer just before bed to check my Facebook. No sooner than I logged in did Carrie's face and name pop up. At a moments notice, out of no where, and totally unexpected, God said, "This is her. The one. Call her and tell her what I have shown you and I will take it from there." Now to answer your question, yes, I felt absolutely crazy. The more I denied God was telling me this the more He showed me I needed to do this. ...So... I mustered up some courage and sent a Facebook message asking her to call me.
The next day Carrie sent me a message back and said she would call a little later in the day, but no sooner did I start preparing and then she called. In a moment of insecurity i just starting spouting out what I felt God laying on my heart. To a girl I didn't even know. A girl who I was sure would make me feel like an idiot for saying such things. As soon as i finished my speech i waited in shame for my verbal beating and recommendation to see a psychiatrist. But... it never came... The sweet voice on the other phone simply said, " Well Blake, if this is what God is telling you then maybe we should listen and just try it." This was no means the response anyone would expect but it happened.
So cutting corners a little, Carrie and I began to date but after a few short visits to see each other I started to feel heart broken again. Carrie lived so far away and without her there in the same city I slowly started to focus on that old hurt and heartbreak. I began to feel as though I was treating Carrie wrong because I was thinking about another girl and we slowly started drifting apart. A phone call ended things one day when we both just agreed that we didn't feel it was working out. We just had two totally separate lives.
Throughout the next three years Carrie and I still stayed fairly close, and so did that promise that God made me on that walk that night. Carrie got more and more consumed in her life and I in mine. Phone calls and text messages between us grew more rare and we both went on to date other people.
God never let her off my heart. Carrie got into the typical college scene. Drinking, Partying and just letting loose. She became very career focused and I slowly saw the the passion for God she once had fading. Every time the Lord would remind me how He had shown her to be the one for me, the more I ran away. I "took the high road" became self absorbed and convinced myself that I didn't want anything to do with a girl like what she had become. I see now how I was just as wrong as she ever was.
One night in Knoxville, TN. Carrie's hometown. I had just arrived at a church with a band I was on the road with at the time. We were in the process of loading in, a process which is designated before every gig to scout out the venue, place staging, sound equipment, etc. along with dreaming as to how you hoped the following show would turn out. This time I had another concern on my mind. One the ride to Knoxville I had texted Carrie with the message I had sent many times before; a text that most of the time I never received a response to: Hey, I'm coming to Knoxville. Would love to see you. Hope you are well. - Blake. Only this time I did receive a reply. It said, " Hey, I really want to talk with you about something." We agreed to meet at the church my band was traveling to.
After about an hour of set-up, Carrie came in and we proceeded to a couch in the foyer. She proceeded to tell a story of all she had been going through and finished with the words, "I'm Pregnant." "Carrie, a mom?" I thought. wow. I remember one of my first thoughts was that this baby was going to be one beautiful baby and do great things for the Lord. I began to tell her how excited I was and how God was really so in control of this and we began to talk for hours.
The more I talked to Carrie, the more I saw this girl transformed into a woman. A woman who had been running away from God but found herself running straight into His arms. She was in love with Him again and that made me happier that I had been in a long time. During my that weekend in Knoxville I fell in love.
The Pregnancy
The pregnancy was without a doubt a life experience in it's self. God constantly encouraged me to stick in there and believe him. During this time though Carrie had so much on her mind to worry about a relationship right then. She was angry at men and was figuring out how in the world she was going to support this baby and stay in school. The next nine months were so hard yet so rewarding. I got to develop a close friendship with Carrie and her family.
Two Girls - One Dream Come True
Oct. 9 2009 - I was sitting in the waiting room at park west hospital. Awaiting the birth of Carrie's daughter Kennedy. The moment she came into this world, she changed mine forever. Enough said.
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After Kennedy was born Carrie obviously had no time on her hands. And I began to feel more and more in the way. The distance between Tullahoma and Knoxville took toll again on me and started making my hope grow thin. I dated another girl and spent the next three months trying to convince myself that staying away from Carrie was best for her. I got caught in a trap of trying to make this other girl I was dating into Carrie. And it obviously took a huge toll on that relationship. It was practically over when it began. After that relationship ended I got the phone call that I had dreamed about. The phone call that showed once in for all that God was God. Carrie called and said, " I'm done breast feeding, i know my hormones aren't out of wack and I have feelings for you."
Today I am engaged to the woman I have dreamed of all my life and have a sweet little girl that is going to call me daddy in a few short months. I could not possibly be more lucky... or happy. After all is said in done, the thing I am most thankful for is how thinking about this story makes me so in love with God. Thank you for your faithfulness to me Father. I love you.
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"Don't ask God to work things in your favor. If you do, you aren't allowing Him enough space to answer you correctly. Just ask Him to show you His will and you will be shown the whole picture sooner or later. Trust me." - Andrew Roberts
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